Thursday, April 29, 2010

cigarettes.[part 2]

from [part 1]
The first time I ever thought cigarette where cool was when... they where always cool. You don't always like whats cool, sometimes you're a square/sissy boy like me who follows the rules. Cigarettes have always been symbolically linked to cool, you can thank Holly Wood for that one. Any Wes Anderson jump off, you're gonna have cool characters smoking.

Okay, now I remember when cigarettes became cool(in my world anyway). It was this movie that was too indie for your life, so indie it might as well not exist, its THAT indie. .. well. not that indie, if it had some big stars in it. I am of coarse talking about Coffee and Cigarettes.

The first time I heard about this movie was around the beginning of high school. My best friend Evan was telling about this boring black and white movie with people sitting around drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes that his older brother Ceasar was watching with his friends. Fast forward a few years later to when I'm 18. I am in California at a friends house deciding what movie we would watch for the evening. I am blown away by the selection of off-beat hipster films readily available in this vast library of awesome. some usual suspects; Pulp Fiction, Blue Velvet etc.

I'm browsing through the shelves and shelves of movies when I come upon a copie of Coffee and Cigarettes. I pick it up and suggest we watch it. I was asked to give a breif synopsys on the film and all I could really come up with was, well, there are people-famous people, smoking cigarettes and chatting over coffee. not exactly the best sell, but i convince the group to watch it anyway.

We start watching it and 15 minute in everyones already bored. But I was super into it. It was intellegent and witty. I would admit its not for everyone, but thats fine right? Be part of a select few that enjoy this work. you'll be that much cooler. I leave you now with one of the finer scenes of the film. The ever timeless Bill Murray's encounter with the Rza and Gza of the Wu tang clan.



To be continued...

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Cigarettes.[part 1]



Up until this point in my life, this point meaning the past maybe 2 years, cigarettes have been a really touchy topic for me. See, as a kid growing up in the 90s, elementarty school made it a huge deal to convince me that cigarettes where bad. I deffinently know there bad, that's not what I'm debating.

I'm not really debating, I'm telling a story. So through out my teenage life I hated cigarettes. I hated that my sister smoked, I hated that my brother smoked, I hated when anyone in my life smoked at all. It was really only up until my first year of college when a good friend of mine taught me the joys of smoking.

We actually started smoking together, I think we split a pack or something. I remember I had maybe 5 cigarettes out of that pack at most and he finnished the rest. I slowly witnessed first hand as he built up his addiction. I definitely didn't smoke as much as he did, but whenever I would smoke it was with him. We would always have these great philosophical conversations while having a cigarette, some times just us, other times with company.

Before this point I would be so completely against cigarettes. I used to make such a fuss about it to my now ex girlfriend. It was just one of the things that she did that didn't sit well with me. Every time she would have a cigarette, I felt betrayed. I would beg her to stop, tell her it's because I cared. When I look back now it was just me being young and unable to manage my emotions. I was insecure and felt comfort in controlling what she could and couldn't do. I realize now it was hardly about the cigarettes.

Nowadays I just take everything with a grain of salt. If someone wants a cigarette, it's their choice. It would be an insult to their intelligence if I said they couldn't have one. I mean that's what addiction really is right? It's a test, one that the feeble minded fail time and time again. To say, no, you can not take this challenge, would really be an insult at the core. It's saying, you're not smart enough to understand the risk you're taking. That's a call for a 13 year old's parent to make.

Even now I would never smoke in front/around my parents, it would just break their hearts. I should just quit or something. But to quit would imply that I started and constantly smoke, something I'm slightly in denial of. I'm a light smoker, I'll say that.

What a fun topic, I feel like I have so much more to say on it! Perhaps that is why a part 2 must be in production!

To be continued...

Monday, April 26, 2010

social (dick) climbers.



Attacking the feeble, talentless, short-cut-taking, rim-job-givers of our generation. Something that's been on my to-do list for a while now. Allow me to open with a little story.

Not too long ago, last week even maybe, I went to a party. This was a kinda crazy night. It started around 6 when I got out of class, it was a Friday. I had been invited to a fancy dinner and was wearing a suit. That night also happened to be my sisters birthday, so after the dinner party ended I went with my siblings and company to a bar in the city. I got in using my brothers old ID. Boy that was rad.

So as the night progressed I had a good amount of alcohol in my system. Much more then is safe to drive with. So after spending some time in this bar I decide to leave to head to a friend's house party that I had previously agreed to attend. Normally I would be over it but I wanted to make an appearance for the sake of getting to know some of my newer friends at FIT.

So my brother gives me a ride to my friends apartment where the party is happening. Upon entering I am greeting with great enthusiasm, like I just performed a miracle or something. "Every jonns here!", I am really drunk at this point and all I could think to do is match the hype. I make my round giving high fives and hugs to everyone I knew. I was really excited and at that point really glad I came!

So I'm just hangin around for a while introducing myself to people I had yet to meet. For a moment there is a break in company and a young lady makes her way in front of me. I'm paraphrasing but she basically says; I noticed everybody was really excited when you came in, I like your suit, we must be friends! I thought she was nice but at the same time was received in a very artificial/superficial way. Clearly she saw my huge social dick and wished to climb it as if some sorta bean stalk leading her to a better tommorrow. Sorry, not this life time.

We made small talk for a minute and discussed school. We both went to FIT and If I remember correctly she was a fashion design major. I would imagine social climbing is encouraged in such a field, perhaps even taught as a curriculum. I guess what stood out to me about this particular encounter was how blatant here social climbing approach was.

I mean, we all do it, some of us even make a grand career out of social climbing. Take Cory Kennedy(not the skater) for example. She had to suck that gross Cobra Snake dude's cobra snake. If you don't know what I'm talking about, once again, do your pop culture research.


So the issue here that I'm addressing is really that, sometimes when we social climb, we lose sight of our self worth. And others who find themselves constantly at parties "making connections" end up just being worthless all together. Who wants to stay connected to a useless loser whose only "talent" is uploading pictures of parties to his/her Tumblr?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Old people.


Something that just made It on to my todo list. Talking to an old person-like really old. I'd imagine their whole perspective on the world is just wild. Someone who has lived life all the way through, been there and back, you know?

Someone who's like 70-85 years old or something... All the gnarly things they could have witnessed in all those years! I would imagine they typical reader of this blog is at most 40. If you're a teenager-foreal, you don't know shit about shit. You virgin loser-just playin.

But really image having a real/deep/heart to heart chat with an old person. I've never really gotten the chance! I mean-yes, I have a grandma. However there is a language barriar despite me being able to speak cantonese. I simply am not a master of the languege the way I am with english.

In any case-seize the opportunity if you get it. Odds are this old person is senile and will come off a little crazy. Any body who's got that kooky old grandparent-I am truely envious. Come to think about it I kinda have a crazy grandma! I love her.

I only think about all this because I feel like I get so much insight from talking to people just a few years old-I could only imagine someone WAY older! I know so little about anything and about nothing about everything!

Who knows, you might learn something and grow a little bit on the inside. I don't know, who really knows?

Friday, April 16, 2010

an open letter to skateboarding.



Dear Skateboarding,

We've been through a lot together, and even now I love you more then ever. You've gotten me over some really hard times and I feel really blessed to have you in my life. Even now I could recollect the day we met. What a magical day...

I was young, I remember you were much older. I was a little stand-offish at first to you, but that was only cause I was afraid. Little did I know what an amazing relationship would blossom from our pandering. When you first came into my life, I was stupid, insecure and unsure of who I was. You taught me how to love and be a man. You showed me the strength I always had and made me into the confident self assured person I am today.

I admit it was hard getting to know you at first. Remember when I used to push Mongo? That drove you nuts! Boy, we really have a roller coaster of a relationship. Sometimes, even now you get me so angry I just SNAP! In the past you have really done some terrible things to hurt me. though I realize you are not entirely to blame, sometimes its my fault too. I know I will never meet someone like you again, that's why I hold you so close to my heart.

You really complete me you know that? When I feel alone and scared, you are alway their for me. I thank you for that. I would not be where I am today without you. i would not know the people I know without you. You've introduced me to so many of my life long friends. You are so Generous and continue to give despite so many people taking you for granted.

I know lately I haven't been spending time with you like we used to, School has been crazy and its been hard. But I promise this summer, we're gonna do something special! Maybe we can go away, just me and you. Somewhere we've never been. It could be so great.

I really love you skateboarding, and I mean that. I Really look forward to spending the rest of my life with you and us growing old together. For now we are young and must cherish every moment of our fleeting youth.

Love Jonn.

PS. I forgive you for the whole broken arm incident.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

we met on the train. [part 4]-[the final chapter]


if you missed it, this is [Part 3].
Part IV. (final chapter)

"Like a meeting of chance, with the train station glance."

-Bright Eyes

And one more for luck! That's what this part is all about. The wrapping up of this sorta saga that I have managed to produce. It's no Twilight but (hopefully) compelling non the less.

Where I left off I mentioned that I found her on facebook. Thank god for facebook. When you think about it facebook, texting and Ichat/Aim really changed up the boy girl dynamic. It deffinently complicates the old, "you have my number so call" era. Now it's a much longer filtering process, like stages in a RPG game you must pass to reach the next level. That's sorta how the game always was I guess, just an observation made of the modern youth.

So you might of guessed it, we got to talking and the topic of blogs came up and she asked to see mine/this one. It was embarrassing because the first time she saw it, the newest post was the part 2 of this 4 part mini story. If you didn't guess it, I'm pretty much writing this as it's happening, it's kinda like reality TV, reality blogging if you will. I guess all blogs are "real" whatever that means.. Okay, getting off topic.

So she ended up reading that/these post(s), I imagine she's keeping up with them, I mean, who wouldn't. If a crazy somebody was writing about me in this manner, the narcissist in me would surely want to read! I was embarassed that she read it though not the least bit ashamed. An inapproapriate annalogy but it's like having sex in a public setting. If you're doing it I'd imagine it's embarrassing to a degree to be caught but it's the excitement in the possiblity and wanting in the back of your head to get caught which makes it alluring. Maybe that's just me, how inapro-pro..

Subconsciously I wanted her to read all this. Basically there's a part of me that wants everybody to read everything I write, I get off on it. Though I know there are some things I'm better off not sharing. That's why I also keep a private journal for all these things I don't think the world may ever be ready for. Some things truely are best kept personal, to be shared with only the most intimate of intimates if ever at all. Not deep dark secrets(maybe some), but you know, we all have em.

Everything I choose to share here is carefully thoughtout and I wouldn't put it out for the public if I wasn't comfortable myself first. At this point I feel like alot has already been shared, I'd hate to continue and risk making Zoe feel anymore uncomfortable. I think we already had a crazy first impression/encounter-blogging out everything that happends from that point on would really be too much. I'd prefer to reserves some mystery.


Sincerly,
Jonn

B-T-dubz : I started reading Russell Brand's memoir titled "my booky wook" and I think it's fantastic. It was actually what inspired me to start writing these more personal writing pieces. Russell Brand is someone I totally look up to.


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

we met on the train. [part 3]



previously on [part 2]


Part III.

As I was approaching my stop I let her know what a pleasure it was to meet her. Being trapped on a subway train durring rush hour is a miserable experience-any New Yorker will tell you this. A saying that comes to mind is "misery loves company" and it's true what they say-bad thing really do bring people together. When we were talking it could of been 3 hours that passed-I wasn't paying attention. Though it was probly alot less then that.

When I got off the train I was just reflecting on the moment. Grinning at the thought. No matter what happends, I can't take back the moment, why would I want to? When I got home I saw my sister and told her of the entire incident in an excited stupor. She's great with listening to my childish adventures/coming of age stories.

As far as ever seeing Zoe again goes, I can't really say. Back on the train ride I gave her a peice of paper to write her name on so I could find her on facebook. You know it's all just a game-whether you play it or not. So I wait till the next day's afternoon to add her on facebook, any longer and I might seem like I don't care at all-or something like that. We'll see how it plays out or if anything happends at all. you can never really say for certain what could happend next.

To be continued...

Monday, April 12, 2010

we met on the train. [part 2]


This little memoir piece is a continuation of [part 1].



Part II.

This is where I died. It is revealed that her name is Zoe(pronounced Zoe-E, like zooey deschanel). I was sold on her almost immediately. But wait, It gets better!

So obviously the first topic that popped into my mind once I found out her name, was Zooey Deschanel. I asked if she liked She & Him(zooey's band). We got into talking about music And found we listen to pretty similar stuff. On that particular day I was wearing one of my favorite new tee shirts. It's a vintage as fuck Cat Power shirt. I've gotten so much love for wearing that shirt-Cat power is da bomb.

So after chatting about music for a while I start think-dang, this chick has some indie cred foreal. It's pretty exciting when you find somebody who you have common interests with musically. It's something I'm finding to be more and more rare. I guess I like the same music as alot of girls/emo boys, whateves.

So to recap-met a babe-her name is Zoe, and if she read this.. she would probly think I'm totally weird for blogging my life and every exceptional moment in it. Yes, I found this chance encounter with her to be particularly fantastic.

we end up talking for a while and I realize I'm approaching my stop. There was a part of me that wishes it could of been further delayed but then I also wanted to get home. The way everything played out was already just too great-any longer and I could have blown it! It was quite the crazy encounter to meet someone totally interesting/attractive on the subway in New York City.

After learning more about her I saw it Fitting to take down her information. I got her full name to find on facebook and we exchanged numbers. It's alway exciting when you meet someone like this-you can never really say what could happen next and you start to draw conclusions into to the world that could be. I'm not crazy for thinking that/writing this am I?

I'm kinda writing alot-that says something right? It says, this stranger had some hell of an affect on me. I could only imagine what might be on her mind. She could of been unphased by the incident all together. All cercumstances considered I don't know/can say what will happend next. That's what's fun and exciting-not know what's next to come. Though I recognize this was something extraordinary/cosmic and would make a totally awesome story to tell.

To be continued...

Sunday, April 11, 2010

timeline:2004



2004

This was the year I started high school. I attended the high school of Art and Design. To be honest, it didn't live up to my expectation. It was sorta ghetto and over-run with sneaker head hype-beasts. I have reason to beleive Art and design may actually be the epicenter of the "fresh" movement, but thAt could be a post for another day.

So in 2004 I was 14. I was goofy, awkward and totally insecure. Seriously. I used to cry when people called me gay-nowadays I provoke it. This Is also about the time I realized what a blessing it was to live in New York city. Up until this point I had only really known my little suburban neighborhood.

I remember on the first day of school my sister took the train with me into the city so I would get familiar and used to going to school. She was gonna come with me the whole first week but I quickly adjusted to taking the subway and it no longer was neccessary. Upon arriving at school I was really nervous. I immediately called Alex, my friend back home, to tell him how scared I was. I think I was wearing baggy jeans and some Stupid tee shirt that I deffinently thought was cool at the time. I mean, I must of thought it was cool if I wore it the first day of school!

Truth was, I knew nothing about cool. Why would I? I was a high school freshmen! Now I'll tell you about someone who been dead cool since birth. This was the year I met Nabi Salomon. I remember it so clearly-like an instant dude crush. He was wearin a white button down, some ripped up dark wash jeans and had the signature Nablos hair he rocks til this day. I came late to Gym class and sat next to him. I noticed how torn up his shoe was, it had to of meant he skateboarded. So I ask him about it and before you know it we're talking about gundams and shit. The rest is history.
High school was just a crazy time of self discovery and learning to be me. I've gone through so many phases and am not ashamed to admit it. When we change sometimes people think it's hipocritical, but being hipocritical is really just a part of life. You live and learn/evolve. You grow into the best you.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

just My Type: Portia Doubleday


This is the young starlet who has recently won my heart. Her name is Portia Double day and she was the featured Babe in that new Michael Cera jump off "Youth in Revolt". If you have seen it, you need to. Put that on your to do list. Now.

Every time she came on the screen my eyes were glued. I just wanted to stare at her without interruption but the changing from scene to scene made it a real tease. She is insanely beautiful and has just the cutest mannerisms through out the film. She has that something about her that is Uniquely French/Parisian. I adore the French.

I'm not entirely sure if shes even French, just simply pointing out this quality about her. Her look is totally ripped out of an Urban Outfitters' catalogue. Shes really adorable and I'm gonna guess your having a hard time taking your eyes off her too-aren't you?

Friday, April 9, 2010

We met on the train. [part 1]




The other day something really craze happend. I didn't know it was possible but I met someone one (that wasn't a crazy person) on the train!

It was as if any other day coming back from FIT, I took the E train from 23rd street. It happends all the time where I might see a cute girl on the train and we may catch eachother stealing glances, this day was no different. So I sit next to this really cute chick whose got on an over sized sweater and short shorts. We ride a stop or two and I'm not thinking much, just reading my book and listening to music when suddenly and announcement comes up. I didn't hear it too clearly with my music playing so I turn to her to ask what the conductor said. It turns out the train was not going into Queens, where we we're both headed, so we get off to wait for the next train at 42nd street.

I stand around her but don't say anything. The next train comes and we both get on. We stand next to eachother, I'm not sure if this was intentional or not. She takes out her book and begins to read. I love girls that read/own books in general, when someone reads it really says alot about their intellegence. So yeah we ride a few stops and it's about 6:00 pm-rush hour, and it's packed. It's typical that the train blows it about now but this particular day it was really bad.

So were standing next to eachother packed in a stationary subway car for atleast a half an hour. I start to think to myself and remember a story Evan told me about his friend Drew. Drews is this guy who's got just the most fantastic giant red afro-one that I must elaborate on anotherday, I have tried to interview him however was interupted. That's neither here nor there so-anyway. What he did was, on the subway he found himself exchanging glances with a babe. So he takes out a peice of paper infront of her, writes his number on it and let's her have it as he's getting off. Apperently she was a freak and calls him almost immediately. They hooked up for some time after, or so that's what I remember hearing. An ode to the bold.

So back to the story-this story about Drew comes to mind and I'm thinking maybe I can pull some shit like that! So I take out a peice of gum, and use the wrapper to write down my number, next to it I write "call/text". I then put this little gum wrapper/note in my pocket and think about when would be a good time to let her have it.

Sometime passes and the train is still moving unbeleivably slow, at this point we're still in manhattan approaching Lexington ave(the last stop before entering Queens). I start to think-this gum wrapper plan is stupid... Maybe I should just say something to her. The problem now was working up the courage to say something. She was reading a book so I thought to ask her what she was reading, the only thing was it had been silent for so long I forget how to even speak. I take some deep breathes and recall the use of my vocal chordes.

When I finally muster up the courage to say what was on my mind, I waited for her to flip her page asumming at that moment she was not forcused on her reading and able to hear me. I ask, "so what are you reading?". She turns and looks at me as if anticipating the question. I sensed she was glad I broke our tawdry silence. She begins elaborating on her book which evolves into a conversation. So now I'm talking to this girl on a subway car where both trapped on, could it be anymore perfect?

To be continued...

Monday, April 5, 2010

Timeline:2006


video


2006

Maybe you get only one of these in your life, I'm not certain. For me, her name is Joy. Even now, when I close my eyes and think of what love is, I see her. 2006 was the year we met and started going out. God. I was so in love with her, I couldn't stand being away from her. I was 16 and not knowing what was going on-I just went with my crazy feelings and let it unfold knowing little of what would result. That's what you do when you're that age right?

Joy was amazing. Durring this era I would spend so much time with her. She ultimately became my only friend. We would know eachother's high school schedule by heart and meet between every class even if it was for 2 minutes. Our time together was precious. I remember we went to the warped tour together since we both liked pop-punk. On random weekends she would invite me upstate with her family and we would just walk around suburban malls thinking we were the shit. In the summer she would go on vacation or camp and we would mail eachother letters. everything that I could ever get my hands on-ticket stubs, old bandaids, trinkets-things that carried a memory, I would collect in this shoe box. on that shoe box i wrote "2006 - " at the time hoping I would never put a date on the other end.


When I think of it now I still get warm feelings-it wasn't an insane amount of time ago and the memories of the 16 or so months we spent together was really something. Joy without a doubt affected me in the deepest of ways. If I hadn't met her, perhaps I wouldn't be so animate about writing. This blog would likely not exist. I remember when we were together I would keep a little journal and only let her read it, it was sorta how I would express myself to her when I didn't have the words to speak.

We were together up until early 2008, I guess we just sorta grew apart. We would break up and get back together weekly, we were a volitile couple. Though this particular time we didn't make up-that was it. She has been the inspiration/influence that I have written about countless times. Everything that could of been said of her, I have on a peice of paper some where. nice things. angry things. sweet things. moment of jealously and rage. she has taken me throught the emotional spectrum and shaped me into me.



No regrets now, cause what was learned from the experience was truely priceless. She was the girl I lost my virginity to though I would hardly describe it as a loss. She was a virgin too, I suppose you can call it an exchange. I feel really lucky to have experienced such a young naive love and wouldn't of had it any other way.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

just My Type: Tina Fey


Dumb bitches are cool/a good time but Tina Fey is what I would describe as one of "the finer things in life". There is just so much to love about her. shes witty, charming and easy on the eyes(I love that expression). I pretty much grew up watching her on SNL and have been in love ever since.

An Intellegent woman is Sexy on so many levels. it's also nice if a girl is really funny, as in-I'm not just laughing to get in your pants. It's good to have someone you can be genuine with and not have to bullshit your way through a relationship.

Maybe this is just me...and maybe you're a dumbass whose idea of gourmet is Mcdonalds, I don't know, I'm not one to judge.. I'm just advocating that Tina Fey is a babe/the Tiramisu of my world.