Alcohol [part 2]

this is [part 1].

This stuff just grosses me out. It tastes nasty, I don't know why anyone would drink it for fun. I suppose it's the out come of it all. When a whole room of people are drunk, it's as if social norms and rules get thrown into a washing machine and comes out all mangled. It's really rolling the dice on what could happened and what was gonna happen any way.

Sometimes dudes (like myself) get it into our heads like that they have more game talking to a girl when they're drunk. I'd agree that it could make the approach easier, but if you're really hammered, you not gonna be saying many things of substance. Don't treat alcohol like some sort of shield for your insecurities. If you have a hard time getting out of your shell, drinking may get you out of it, but let's hope you don't become dependent.

I like to drink. I think it's really fun. I'm smart about it though. I treat alcohol like cake. How often do I have cake? Once in a while on special occasions. Exactly. So that being said, I can continue to promote this particular poison.

Following up on the first part of this story, I didn't drink or smoke or do anything after that incident with the wine. All though high school the thought of alcohol grossed me out and I stayed away from it. It was only until my first year of college in California that I gave it another go.

I can remember the first occasion I drank out there, but this time, it was fun. When I was drunk it was awesome! It all sorta started when I went out with friends to parties. I didn't know why at the time, but whenever I was drunk, I could just rule a room. It was like, I thought out loud, and everybody would just listen to me. I indulged in being the center of attention. I would stand on a chair and start philosophizing on how eating a grapefruit was a lot like going to war(if you see me in person, be sure to ask me about that).

That's the truth, I love having people listen to me. It's no secret. most people would like to have people listen to them. Alcohol just helped me realize that. It's one of the things in life that I just really get off on. Oh my god, now I'm spilling my guts all over the world wide web. Good thing I'm not alone in this department.

I mean, eventually I learned to be equally as interesting when I'm not drunk as when drunk. Alcohol gave me this.. Extra charisma that I needed at the time. Now I feel like I can deal without it. It's like cake.

Alcohol [part 1]

A long time ago before I knew anything about anything.. As if I know shit now.. I used to think getting drunk from alcohol was a myth. Like, I seriously thought this. I actually believed that people never really got drunk and when they would act drunk it was just cause they where retarded! Can you believe what a shit head I was? I must of been like 13 When I still thought this. I really didn't stop believing this till the year after..

The following year, my family had decided it was time to move away from my beloved home town of fresh meadows in Queens. It meant that I would no longer be a stones throw from the childhood buddies I had known since my adolescence and had grown quite fond of. I had just started high school and I was commuting to the city, I had not yet made many friends so I felt a great comfort in going home and seeing my old chums.

I'm sure everyone can for the most part relate to friends you grow up and away from. This is a story for them. The story of the night that I almost died. Seriously.

In this little neighborhood, a great friend from my past, his name was Nik, he always took pride in spelling his name that way. He worked in the neighborhood drug store. He had known for sometime now that I was moving away and it was a sorta depressing thing for me and everyone else in my life at the time. So this particular night, we did something crazy, crazy for 14 year old newly pubescent boys.

At this neighborhood drug store that Nik worked at, Nik's boss, an old guy, gave Nik the task of disposing of some old wine that he no longer wanted. Being the deviant Nik was, he decided to store the several bottles of wine behind the dumpster.

After work nik told me about this plot and to stick around a while. Me and him where truly the original porch monkeys, we used to sit outside his stoop and bullshit the day away. Fond memories..

Another good pal of mine was there that night too. His name is Derek, I love this guy, we still keep in touch, and chill every now and then when he's back from college upstate. We would typically bond over the injustice of being a minority, me being Asian and him being black.. We would talk about that and girls. Jeez, this is turning into a trip down memory lane..

Ok, so it's me, Nik and Derek, and we all decide to start drinking. It's evening at this point, about 9ish.. There are several bottles of wine, red wine. Nik brings out 3 bottle from behind the dumpster and brings it over to his place which is just on the other side of this parking lot, real close.

We pour the wine into these tall glasses, you know the kind you take a chug of water from on a hot summer day? Yeah, we filled it to the top, said cheers and bottoms up! Boy did I think that taste was awful! So awful in fact that, this was the first time I learned of the concept of using a chaser. Chasing alcohol down with a better tasting beverage.

I wasn't sure if Nik had drank before this night, he probably had but being the teenager he was, he was still probably a shit head. That didn't hold him back from playing the big brother in the entire ordeal. I actually appreciated it. He anticipated that me and Derek might not like the taste so he brought iced tea for us to chase it down.

I was skateboarding at this point and in between every drink I would do a kickflip. It was easy, I still didn't believe I could get drunk. It wasn't until we finished the 3 bottles before I started noticing it. Nik told me to go get more behind the dumpster. I then began to walk across the parking lot.

Half way through the empty parking lot, right in the middle, I fell to the floor.

This wasn't bad, I was really happy. I just lied on the floor for however long I needed to, stares up at the street lamps and got up when I was ready. I come back with a few more bottles and we continue drinking.

There was a point where I went completely insane. I walked on top a moving car. Ok, maybe it was parked by I stood on it. I stood on it and screamed. I was drunk, for the first time in my life.

I only lived 3 blocks away, but Jesus. 3 block have and will never be as long as they where that night. Derek and I, equally hammered, stumbled to my home. We undoubtedly had way too much to drink.

We were almost there, but then.. He fell to the ground, he fell into someones lawn. He was asleep, I wasn't sure. I tried, no, I didn't try to help him.. But I wanted to. I gestured toward him and then it happened, I started to vomit. I was too young and naive to know what to do, it haunts me till this day the actions I took. Derek got sick, passed out on someones lawn and was picked up by cops and brought home. He didn't want to speak to me after that night, and his mother didn't want him seeing me.

I stormed into my home and had no time for explanation. My mom came in and saw how I was. It made her cry. I was in so much pain, I vomited everything in me till I could no more, and even then I would gag reflex. The notion of ever eating again felt so foreign. Till this day, I probably have never been that trashed.

The next day my father was watching me vomit into a bag. I was pale and sickly. He had a sorta sense of humor about it. He saw what I was in and didn't bother to punish me, the hangover was plenty punishment already.. I wouldn't touch alcohol for the next 4 years..

And Derek.. Eventually I got my friend back.

To be continued..

Alone at a party...

We've all been there, assuming you have let's open with this..

Why is it that people text to make themselves look important at parties/or any awkward situation? We've all seen it/done it. Why do we need that sort of gratification? Why must we appear to other like were above what's goin on here and should be "over there" having a way better time? And most of all, who the fuck cares?

I'm asking a bunch of questions I know the answers to. Of course we want to feel important. Of coarse being alone sucks, though a lot of us deny ever feeling alone.

I have a better word for being alone. I call it being lonely, the two are different you know? You could want to be alone, privacy is nice right? But I don't think anyone wants to feel lonely. Lonelyness is a type of pain I suppose. That's why we try to cover it up with bullshit texting to a signifegent other or friend who is absent.

I was never for this sorta cover up. Anyone who knows me can see I'm not a big texter. Though I do write alot of these posts on my phone so that could be seen/taken in the same way. Whatever.

So next time you're at a party and, you don't know/like any body.. Or it could be all dudes.. Or like, there's an awkward mix of heads.. Or everyone there is ugly or something.. There are 2 things I would say to do.

One, you could really step out of your shell and make some connections. You could stop being that shallow empty person I know deep down you are and talk to someone you normally wouldn't talk to.. Note: someone being ugly is not a good reason to avoid them. It means your an ugly gross person on the inside and it will be that much harder for you to find people that will truely love you for you. Fuck you, I already hate you.

And the other is.. Just dip. Leave the party. Don't be rude and standoffish, just be like, hey, It was nice meeting you blah blah blah, I had fun(even though you clearly didn't, I don't think you will be punished for this sorta lie) and get going. There will be another party. I didn't beleive this at first but have come to accept it as a fact.

social (dick) climbers.

Attacking the feeble, talentless, short-cut-taking, rim-job-givers of our generation. Something that's been on my to-do list for a while now. Allow me to open with a little story.

Not too long ago, last week even maybe, I went to a party. This was a kinda crazy night. It started around 6 when I got out of class, it was a Friday. I had been invited to a fancy dinner and was wearing a suit. That night also happened to be my sisters birthday, so after the dinner party ended I went with my siblings and company to a bar in the city. I got in using my brothers old ID. Boy that was rad.

So as the night progressed I had a good amount of alcohol in my system. Much more then is safe to drive with. So after spending some time in this bar I decide to leave to head to a friend's house party that I had previously agreed to attend. Normally I would be over it but I wanted to make an appearance for the sake of getting to know some of my newer friends at FIT.

So my brother gives me a ride to my friends apartment where the party is happening. Upon entering I am greeting with great enthusiasm, like I just performed a miracle or something. "Every jonns here!", I am really drunk at this point and all I could think to do is match the hype. I make my round giving high fives and hugs to everyone I knew. I was really excited and at that point really glad I came!

So I'm just hangin around for a while introducing myself to people I had yet to meet. For a moment there is a break in company and a young lady makes her way in front of me. I'm paraphrasing but she basically says; I noticed everybody was really excited when you came in, I like your suit, we must be friends! I thought she was nice but at the same time was received in a very artificial/superficial way. Clearly she saw my huge social dick and wished to climb it as if some sorta bean stalk leading her to a better tommorrow. Sorry, not this life time.

We made small talk for a minute and discussed school. We both went to FIT and If I remember correctly she was a fashion design major. I would imagine social climbing is encouraged in such a field, perhaps even taught as a curriculum. I guess what stood out to me about this particular encounter was how blatant here social climbing approach was.

I mean, we all do it, some of us even make a grand career out of social climbing. Take Cory Kennedy(not the skater) for example. She had to suck that gross Cobra Snake dude's cobra snake. If you don't know what I'm talking about, once again, do your pop culture research.

So the issue here that I'm addressing is really that, sometimes when we social climb, we lose sight of our self worth. And others who find themselves constantly at parties "making connections" end up just being worthless all together. Who wants to stay connected to a useless loser whose only "talent" is uploading pictures of parties to his/her Tumblr?

and interesting condition

A Fasinating guy-Donald Lee.

the video pretty much sums it up. ladies and gents, the Donald Lee interview! uncut and unscripted.

The huge dick you never had.

[Your inner Tyler Durden will thank you]

Jesus Christ! Can I stress it anymore? Confidence is everything! I know you've heard it enough times and may think it's too vague to even help you-but get off your ass and do some research. Confidence is a key components that make the great freaking amazing.

Is this a rant? Yes!

Guys. You need to find your inner confidence. When you're sulking in the corner cause you think your penis is small or something-everyone can sense this-as if you where letting off your our fragrance of "cock block". Girls know when you are comfortable and confident-it's primal.

When you have the courage to be who you want to be-all those around you will respect you. You will be straight forward, call it like it is, be funny, make girls wet etc. I'm serious! And not just making all this up-I promise.

When you are ultimate/boss, smart intelligent things will fountain from you're mouth. You will look your best(always) and not let anyone rain on your parade! You will make all those around you happy and lucky to know you, never be awkward and get invited to awesome parties where you will meet awesome people worthy of your presence.

Carry this further into the bedroom and well you will arrive-only after her.

If you can have this all figured out-your life will be a load easier. By no means am I suggesting my own mastery of this art-however I would wonder how Napoleon would of conquered Europe without this element. So friend-ponder this as you admire jealously in private to the lady killers and conquerors a like.

Goodday

PS. that fine line between confidence and kanye west. That could be A rant for another day. This one goes out to all the herbs!

Rules of Partying(how lame)

How lame is it to have rules for partying?!? yeah, nearly as lame as AIDS! That's fuckin lame, lame like a biscuit in rain. Pay attention moron! This is important! I know you like to party your life away and wake up at 2 in the afternoon, i see you playa.

Listen meat head. when you get into a tight Situation, I won't say I told you so. matter of fact, fuck you! like you matter...

Rules of the party

1. Never take anything too personal. Whether it's some girl blowing u
off or some drunk guy picking a fight. Just brush it off.

2. Rules are meant to be broken.

3. Don't go for chicks with boyfriends. (though keep the first 2 rules in mind.)

4. Always take care of a friend.

5. Use a condom(your dick is gross).

6. Drink lots of water through out the night.

7. Make sure nothing is left behind. (Wallet, phone, keys, iPod,
Clothing, bag etc)

8. Don't start a fight or be rude to cops or authority (though backflips off squad cars are funny in retrospect.)

9. Avoid broken glass and hurting yourself. Your gonna regret it in the morning.

10. Make sure your free the next day or have time to deal with a
Potential hangover.

11. Never have liquor after beer.

12. It's NOT okay to just let the chick deal with the baby.

I realize my demographic doesn't really reach juicehead guido, so, fuck them. If you're heading down to the shore, fuck you Snookie! JK. I loves that show, I'm secretly/now openly jealous of their hair gel usin', fist pumpin', grenade smooshin', super-extra/ballerific lifestyle. GTL(GYM/TAN/Laundry) Bitchioso!!!
Jon<3

Re-Runs

Before I started this blog I would write these little facebook blurbs/notes. So in case you missed it, I present to you, a selection of what I would consider the better of my philosophical Vomit.

enjoy.

love, the kind you fall in. (part 1)

A topic that's on my mind... Almost all the time. Yeah, really. When I see people in love, it makes me happy. What's so fascinating about love? What happens
when you take it for granted?
I was in love once, just once. All the other times, I just wasn't even beginning to be open to the possibility. Now that's a key word, possibility, chance, luck. Stars have to be aligned, you might not know it now, but it doesn't just happened.
I don't mean to dwell in the past, but there was a time that I felt complete. I felt complete but it felt too soon. It felt to soon to be so content with a situation. I don't regret it now, however I do apologize for being so vague. See, it's a touchy topic for me. For a time, I put on a fake smile, told you everything was fine, but I wasn't.
Of coarse everything is okay now. Have you ever asked yourself, "if I could change the past, would I?" then arrive at the conclusion "well, if I did this instead of that, then I wouldn't know what I know now." at that moment I think what we have done is found appreciation for we're we stand.
When it was over,(this nearly 2 year relationship), I was devastated. I was, as cliche as it was, in bed most of the day listening to dashboard. I didn't want anyone knowing this, I was weak and insecure. I was uncomfortable with who I was as an individual.
Time went on and I learned to be smarter, learned to be stronger. I learned that if I wanted to love someone, I first had to learn to love myself. So that's where I am now, taking in the single life. I must say it's overrated underrated. Some times it's like, yeah! Free to do whatever. But loneliness strikes and I'm like, crap, I wish there was some to talk to, make me laugh, cuddle etc. But really, who is unfamiliar with this.
Now, it's been a million years since the worst heartbreak of my life! Jeez. Anyway, life goes on. I don't monitor her, although I do get a sorta immature hateful vibe from her. It's behind me now. As much as I don't want to admit it we can fall in love again. I have yet to prove this to myself but the evidence is overwhelming.
I could lie and say something like... I'm gonna just focus on the new semester at school and not even bother with girls. although my sights are set on my personal success I will always keep a clear peripheral on love.

love, the kind you fall into (part 1.5)

The Internet will lead you to believe almost anything. I was reading up on this forum that was all about how you don't need any game, could be wak as fuck and still get beautiful women. The general approach was really to mind fuck these chicks into submission with your back handed compliments and have them eating out of the palm of your hands.

That's all fine and dandy but from what I know, that's not what you would call a "healthy" relationship. What happened to chivalry? Leave that sort of pandering to the boys.

So iv been keeping up with this blog lately and it's really funny and insightful. It's called Imboycrazy.com. The blogger girl, Alexi Wasser, aka boycrazy offers perspectives from a woman's stand point and not only addresses woman but men too.

The thing is, theirs not short cut to a great relationship. If you have to pull all these Jedi mind trick to get a girl, Odds are she's not all right in the head or has daddy issues. And if she is all there, she's gonna quickly call you out for the lying prick weakling you are.

The best thing to do fellas, is just step up your game. Beautiful intelligent girls have their pick, and if you haven't stepped up your game, you re not even in the running. It's 2010, perfect time to change up the old routine.

We gotta realize, everybody wants the best for themselves. You could spot a crazy bitch can't you? What makes you think a women can't spot a scrub. So this new years, let's lay off the cheesy pick up lines and comments that eat at a women's confidence. Confidence is sexy, don't you want a chick that rules at life and is just as awesome as you?

May the best man win. Here's to the new year!

an open letter to Zooey Deschanel.

Dear ms. Zooey Deschanel,

This is my facebook profile. As microscopic as it is in the grand scheme, consider this a token to my affection to you. On the off chance that I may ever meet you and talk to you I believe that there is a great chance that you will fall for me, an Idea that I am very open too.

From what I have gathered, you are no longer available. However, it would be a shame if I would not be able to express my admiration for your beauty and charm. I've whole heartedly enjoyed your contributions to the film industry and was thrilled by your short lived appearance on "weeds". You are the essence of indie and I don't mean for you to take this in the wrong way what so ever.

When I first heard your music(she and him) I must confessed that I was not initially thrilled. However I quickly learned that it was an acquired taste and quickly I fell in love with your soulful vocals.

I don't mean to come on strong, though I do find you unbelievably attractive. The way your dark hair accents the milkiness of your skin drives me wild. Your a total babe! Your sarcastic intelligence is something I find incredibly sexy and feel would complement my persona perfectly. We would get along famously.

I am not certain as to weather you even like Asian boys like myself, although I would have to guarantee that I am like non other. I am not shy, I am not afraid to be who I am or dress the way I want. I will acknowledge my flaws and look ahead to a time when I'm am a better me. And if we were to date, I promise to be chivalrous and kind. If you are sad, I will do all that is within my power to make you smile. Together we would be on top of the world. I could be your tall/Asian/hipster boyfriend and you could be my white/indie queen/princess girlfriend.

you are truly a goddess. On the off chance that you may actually appreciate my sweet gestures and off beat remarks, I think we could be really happy together. If you were ever tired after a long day of recording or acting I would gladly be the shoulder you rest your head on. I would then look into your engulfing blue eyes and let you know how much I cared about you. I will write you a letter when I could simply text. I will bring you flowers on no occasion at all, because being in your presence is enough reward for me.

For you, I would be a great listener. I will cling to every detail as if my happiness depended on it. I will gladly sit and watch any movie with you as many times as you want. If we were planning on going out and you all of a sudden decided you wanted to stay in I wouldn't mind the slightest bit. I would take vegan cooking classes if that's what you'd like. I say that only because I'm under the impression that you enjoy healthy organic cuisine as do most sexy intelligent woman like yourself. However if you want a burger and fries, that's fine too ;)

Consider this to be the first of many proclamations of my love for you. Though if you are not at this point feeling unbelievably drawn to me, I am prepared to accept this. Perhaps a goddess such as yourself is far too holy for a Asian skaterboy dirtbag like myself, but that's okay. This is just how I feel, I wish everyone could be so honest with their feelings... That's life.

Love, jonn

Aka - ya manz?