social (dick) climbers.

Attacking the feeble, talentless, short-cut-taking, rim-job-givers of our generation. Something that's been on my to-do list for a while now. Allow me to open with a little story.

Not too long ago, last week even maybe, I went to a party. This was a kinda crazy night. It started around 6 when I got out of class, it was a Friday. I had been invited to a fancy dinner and was wearing a suit. That night also happened to be my sisters birthday, so after the dinner party ended I went with my siblings and company to a bar in the city. I got in using my brothers old ID. Boy that was rad.

So as the night progressed I had a good amount of alcohol in my system. Much more then is safe to drive with. So after spending some time in this bar I decide to leave to head to a friend's house party that I had previously agreed to attend. Normally I would be over it but I wanted to make an appearance for the sake of getting to know some of my newer friends at FIT.

So my brother gives me a ride to my friends apartment where the party is happening. Upon entering I am greeting with great enthusiasm, like I just performed a miracle or something. "Every jonns here!", I am really drunk at this point and all I could think to do is match the hype. I make my round giving high fives and hugs to everyone I knew. I was really excited and at that point really glad I came!

So I'm just hangin around for a while introducing myself to people I had yet to meet. For a moment there is a break in company and a young lady makes her way in front of me. I'm paraphrasing but she basically says; I noticed everybody was really excited when you came in, I like your suit, we must be friends! I thought she was nice but at the same time was received in a very artificial/superficial way. Clearly she saw my huge social dick and wished to climb it as if some sorta bean stalk leading her to a better tommorrow. Sorry, not this life time.

We made small talk for a minute and discussed school. We both went to FIT and If I remember correctly she was a fashion design major. I would imagine social climbing is encouraged in such a field, perhaps even taught as a curriculum. I guess what stood out to me about this particular encounter was how blatant here social climbing approach was.

I mean, we all do it, some of us even make a grand career out of social climbing. Take Cory Kennedy(not the skater) for example. She had to suck that gross Cobra Snake dude's cobra snake. If you don't know what I'm talking about, once again, do your pop culture research.

So the issue here that I'm addressing is really that, sometimes when we social climb, we lose sight of our self worth. And others who find themselves constantly at parties "making connections" end up just being worthless all together. Who wants to stay connected to a useless loser whose only "talent" is uploading pictures of parties to his/her Tumblr?

We met on the train. [part 1]

The other day something really craze happend. I didn't know it was possible but I met someone one (that wasn't a crazy person) on the train!

It was as if any other day coming back from FIT, I took the E train from 23rd street. It happends all the time where I might see a cute girl on the train and we may catch eachother stealing glances, this day was no different. So I sit next to this really cute chick whose got on an over sized sweater and short shorts. We ride a stop or two and I'm not thinking much, just reading my book and listening to music when suddenly and announcement comes up. I didn't hear it too clearly with my music playing so I turn to her to ask what the conductor said. It turns out the train was not going into Queens, where we we're both headed, so we get off to wait for the next train at 42nd street.

I stand around her but don't say anything. The next train comes and we both get on. We stand next to eachother, I'm not sure if this was intentional or not. She takes out her book and begins to read. I love girls that read/own books in general, when someone reads it really says alot about their intellegence. So yeah we ride a few stops and it's about 6:00 pm-rush hour, and it's packed. It's typical that the train blows it about now but this particular day it was really bad.

So were standing next to eachother packed in a stationary subway car for atleast a half an hour. I start to think to myself and remember a story Evan told me about his friend Drew. Drews is this guy who's got just the most fantastic giant red afro-one that I must elaborate on anotherday, I have tried to interview him however was interupted. That's neither here nor there so-anyway. What he did was, on the subway he found himself exchanging glances with a babe. So he takes out a peice of paper infront of her, writes his number on it and let's her have it as he's getting off. Apperently she was a freak and calls him almost immediately. They hooked up for some time after, or so that's what I remember hearing. An ode to the bold.

So back to the story-this story about Drew comes to mind and I'm thinking maybe I can pull some shit like that! So I take out a peice of gum, and use the wrapper to write down my number, next to it I write "call/text". I then put this little gum wrapper/note in my pocket and think about when would be a good time to let her have it.

Sometime passes and the train is still moving unbeleivably slow, at this point we're still in manhattan approaching Lexington ave(the last stop before entering Queens). I start to think-this gum wrapper plan is stupid... Maybe I should just say something to her. The problem now was working up the courage to say something. She was reading a book so I thought to ask her what she was reading, the only thing was it had been silent for so long I forget how to even speak. I take some deep breathes and recall the use of my vocal chordes.

When I finally muster up the courage to say what was on my mind, I waited for her to flip her page asumming at that moment she was not forcused on her reading and able to hear me. I ask, "so what are you reading?". She turns and looks at me as if anticipating the question. I sensed she was glad I broke our tawdry silence. She begins elaborating on her book which evolves into a conversation. So now I'm talking to this girl on a subway car where both trapped on, could it be anymore perfect?

To be continued...

[part 2]

up for discussion

These are some of my new friends I met this semester at school, Erica and Melissa. Totally great chatting with them-I only wish I could of captured some of the more raunchy conversation peices!

they're great, if you're ever in the soho area, drop by the volcom store where perhaps either of the 2 may be working.

United colors of Benetton

As of lately, one of my new favorite brands have been 'united colors of Benetton'. I like its crisp look and intense ad campaign. I suppose you can say is like a more pricey American Apperal meets PETA(the animal right organization). Its totally colorful and fun. check it out for yourself, might not be your style but you may be surprised.

Happy Valintines day!

Hey!

Valentines day is really swell wouldn't you say? No ones agreeing with me... that's OK! we're past it now, lonely singles-you can start breathing again.

I'm more than certain plenty of fantastic things happened Valentines day night. Passion, romance-you know the deal. For plenty of people it was a reminder of how completely alone we are- present company included(just kidding)

If your wondering, I didn't end up doing nothing. matter of fact i did a lot!

I spent the better part of my evening with an awesome friend of mine. I promised I'd write about her, what better time then for a Valentines day post! Friends and present company, I'd like to introduce you to Dina! Dina of Roslyn.

I met her at Penn station. I gave her flowers, pink roses I think. The moment I handed her the flowers, A nice euro guy walk up and asked to take our picture. his name was Mustaff or something, I didn't bother to ask what he would do with the photo. lets hope it turns up someday in a cool magazine.

I spent the evening with her since she was someone I've known a while and way past introductions with. We opted for the classic dinner and movie combo. We had Italian in little Italy which really funny. Every restaurant was packed so we were seated with another couple. we basically spent dinner ease dropping and texting about the fat Italian guy and his tiny asian date, he was actually really nice.

We really wanted to catch Valentines day but apparently it was a hot ticket that sold out immediately. We ended up seeing when in Rome which...had its moments but was ultimately disappointing. Dina liked it.

I was told to pick whatever pic I want to best represent Dina. I think this Serves justice...girls a messy eater.

So I think I've shared enough of my romantic evening under the stars. If any one would like to share what romantic things they did, comment box.

Holla-jonn

Deal Breakers

On behalf of Men everywhere, I propose this list I've compiled as Our new bible. Alright maybe on behalf of just me. These are my personal Deal breakers. Like if I'm just getting to know you, on that first date...or maybe it'll just come up in small talk, but the moment I find any of the things on this list to be true about you! All Bets are OFF!

Girl Deal Breakers

-If you're a Jesus freak
-taller then me
-shorter then me by more then 6 inches
-A Bad kisser
-if I dress better then you
-more macho then me
-if your vadge is gross
-dying(sorry)
-Illiturate
-are with child
-have AIDS(sorry)(kind falls into 'dying' category)
-ugly
-used to be a man
-look like any of my family members
-hairier then me
-obsessed with your ex
-talk wayyy too much and don't pause for a second to let me breath/think/respond
-Or have yellow teeth or gross teeth in general.

This was all from my dudely perspective. while chatting today with my new friend Katie I asked her what where some deal breakers of hers? what factors in the male species made her privates run and hide?! I had to know what girls have to say. so we got to brain storming! Surprisingly the list she came up with was a tad longer then the one i made, am I selling myself short? should I be completely sexist and make impossible demands?! Katie was a great sport and was a wealth of feminine Knowledge, so Fellas take notes!


Guy deal breakers

-Can't be shorter
-can't be unambitious(double neggy, sorry)
-Too American[burgers and fries]
-Not too conservative
-if you happend to be Uncultured and stupid
-Balding
-Size matters!
-Face tats
-Gross apt.
-Bad hygiene
-Overly metro/gay/prissy
-if you a Bigger cup size[titty wise]
-Body odor
-Crooked teeth
-Greasy hair
-If your more into shopping then me
-Lazy
-Where more Jewelery then me
-Chapped lips
-If you wear crocs
-Carpenter jeans
-Cowboy boots[nooo]

Wanted : Gay Bestfriend(part 2)

So. Not just anyone can be my gay best friend, there are certain criteria he must fill.If anyone is interested in applying, I would be happy to set up a (non-romantic) coffee date.

So these are big shoes to fill, first off, I want to make it clear I am looking for a gay friend, not lover. I don't mind flirting, I see it as flattery. Whatever you do, don't ever try to kiss me! Like that gross scene in "I love you man", after he goes on that man-date-dinner, ugh gross. Not that 2 men kissing is gross, just I wouldn't want to kiss a guy.

So now that we got that out of the way, we can move on to things that are just more my preference. I enjoy chatting over coffee, so if you like coffee that's a plus. It is important that you are able to provide me with plenty of incite on women. Most importantly we gotta click and enjoy eachother! Duh.

This isn't a must, but it would be cool if the guy was Latino. I am of course an equal opportunity friender. Though I was just considering my lack of gay friends, then remembered my lack of Latino friends as well and thought, let's kill 2 birds with 1 stone if we can!

Nabi got his

It would be rad if I could be set up on blind dates with your many gal pals. Have someone to pump me up on life. Give me the confidence to ask out girls and make power moves!

And of course this friendship will not be all about me. I'll be there for you too! If you're having guy problems, I'm there for you man. I'm a great listener and very open minded. I might even go with you to gay clubs!

getting down at the gay club.

If all this sounds super/mega/unbeleivably awesome! Then tell you what, you can contact me through this blog.

FIT Cafeteria

This place is a total mindfuck/creative gold mind for me! I've been eating lunch and typing thoughts out on my phone for an hour now! Magical, seriously!

It's something about the cash-flow of gorgous girls, starbucks and awesome food that just makes here my little gold mind of awesome(by my standard) blog entries!

Before I dive into what I really like to write about, GIRLs! I have to give an honorable mention to the FIT cafeteria staff. Sushi, pizza, new and different entrees, grilled food, everything! I don't know how they do it. Even now when I drop by to grab a bite I am startled by the selection to the point where I just end up getting a boring salad. This has been the case the past two days.

So yeah, what else is there to say? The selection of honeys is choice, I look forward to meeting all of em and getting a chance to blog it up somemore!

I'm just having the most fantastic time here! If you ever want to catch me and just say hi/give me a hug/grab my number, idunno. You can find me in the caf! Most likely creeping while eating my freshly prepared spicy salmon role! (one of my faves). I'm really friendly and promise to not make you feel COMPLETELY uncomfortable. So don't be a stranger' love!

Good Mood!

I'm in a really good mood! although I've found the more interesting Blog posts have been when I was upset about something, I think this ones a good one!

I just took a shower and i feel amazing! I scrubbed and scrubbed every inch of myself. being well groomed is always a nice feeling. If your ever in a bad mood, a Showers always gna pick you up ever so slightly. I'm not advocating that it's gonna save your life, but If your stinky, It might get you more friends!

On top of all this, I also shaved my package! it's been a minute, it was starting too look like a 40 year old Serbian down there. Ha! I honestly don't know where women stand on male pubic hair, but personally i like to keep it trim, about a centimeter is good. Every guy should do this! you will(as I did) fall in love with your penis all over again! Enough to blog about it!

I cant stress the importance of loving yourself. The love I have for myself is bordering Narcissism, which can be bad, but i feels so good...

This is my list of things that will always pick You/me up! :

1. walking around Target.
2. Jersey shore, The OC, sex and the city, SEINFELD

3. SEINFELD

4. write out your feelings

5. blog about your penis/vagina

6. take a Bubble bath.(showers are almost as good)

7. eat jello

8. Try on all your clothes, you'll really get a kick if you rediscover something old!

9. chill with an animal(they're just so accepting)

10. play gay 90s music and rock out to it in private!

General theme here? do shit your not gonna fail at. Save the challenges of your crazy life for when your on point! Sharp, ready, focused! I am so ready for life!

did I mention Tuesday I have class from 9:10 am to 9:10 pm? Bring it on.