Perceived value.

We all have a perceived value in our heads. This little price tag we place on ourselves to sub consciously evaluate ourselves relative to the world and all those around us. Of coarse the truth is, no one is ACTUALLY more valued then another person, however a perceived value can have a profound impact on how you treat others and are treated yourself.

For example. Let's examine the phenomena of celebrity. Out of the context of America, say.. A dessert island, for argument sake, Brad Pitt is no better then you. In the States the same is true, but why is it that people here will treat him better? Fame is, a complete construct of society and in essences isn't real, however it's affects are very real and can be felt in a room. Have you ever been in the same room as someone you look up to? It's like the air is thicker.

So have you ever wanted to be famous? I think being famous gets so much shit that people forgot it can be kinda fun. Yeah, there's all the paparazzi and stalkers and whatever but this only apply to the uber famous/elite. Generally in fame, those around you simply treat you better. That's not all that bad is it? I'm suggesting, a modest level of fame can be pleasurable.

Wrap your mind around this. We can all be famous. All we need to do is systematically upload evidence to those around us of our success and persona thus putting our best foot forward and displaying our character in the best light. Say smart shit, do awesome stuff, lay hot babes whatever. World wide global super-star fame is overrated. All you need are your friends to know you're awesome. What do you need people you're never gonna meet in you life to think you're awesome for?

And by being awesome, I really mean BE AWESOME. It's not just tricking people or being manipulative. It's actually pulling through for yourself and doing what's best for your own survival. It's not being a total herb. This is the birth place of true inner confidence. It's a lot easier to be confident when you have evidence supporting it. 

To summarize this whole micro article on social value.. It's all in you head; whose better then who, but at the same time it's very real. You're not gonna feel nervous around a bum the way you may feel standing next to the president. Social hierarchies are very much real. As much as we hate it, we are inevitably in a cast system.

social (dick) climbers.

Attacking the feeble, talentless, short-cut-taking, rim-job-givers of our generation. Something that's been on my to-do list for a while now. Allow me to open with a little story.

Not too long ago, last week even maybe, I went to a party. This was a kinda crazy night. It started around 6 when I got out of class, it was a Friday. I had been invited to a fancy dinner and was wearing a suit. That night also happened to be my sisters birthday, so after the dinner party ended I went with my siblings and company to a bar in the city. I got in using my brothers old ID. Boy that was rad.

So as the night progressed I had a good amount of alcohol in my system. Much more then is safe to drive with. So after spending some time in this bar I decide to leave to head to a friend's house party that I had previously agreed to attend. Normally I would be over it but I wanted to make an appearance for the sake of getting to know some of my newer friends at FIT.

So my brother gives me a ride to my friends apartment where the party is happening. Upon entering I am greeting with great enthusiasm, like I just performed a miracle or something. "Every jonns here!", I am really drunk at this point and all I could think to do is match the hype. I make my round giving high fives and hugs to everyone I knew. I was really excited and at that point really glad I came!

So I'm just hangin around for a while introducing myself to people I had yet to meet. For a moment there is a break in company and a young lady makes her way in front of me. I'm paraphrasing but she basically says; I noticed everybody was really excited when you came in, I like your suit, we must be friends! I thought she was nice but at the same time was received in a very artificial/superficial way. Clearly she saw my huge social dick and wished to climb it as if some sorta bean stalk leading her to a better tommorrow. Sorry, not this life time.

We made small talk for a minute and discussed school. We both went to FIT and If I remember correctly she was a fashion design major. I would imagine social climbing is encouraged in such a field, perhaps even taught as a curriculum. I guess what stood out to me about this particular encounter was how blatant here social climbing approach was.

I mean, we all do it, some of us even make a grand career out of social climbing. Take Cory Kennedy(not the skater) for example. She had to suck that gross Cobra Snake dude's cobra snake. If you don't know what I'm talking about, once again, do your pop culture research.

So the issue here that I'm addressing is really that, sometimes when we social climb, we lose sight of our self worth. And others who find themselves constantly at parties "making connections" end up just being worthless all together. Who wants to stay connected to a useless loser whose only "talent" is uploading pictures of parties to his/her Tumblr?

we met on the train. [part 4]-[the final chapter]

if you missed it, this is [Part 3].
Part IV. (final chapter)

"Like a meeting of chance, with the train station glance."

-Bright Eyes

And one more for luck! That's what this part is all about. The wrapping up of this sorta saga that I have managed to produce. It's no Twilight but (hopefully) compelling non the less.

Where I left off I mentioned that I found her on facebook. Thank god for facebook. When you think about it facebook, texting and Ichat/Aim really changed up the boy girl dynamic. It deffinently complicates the old, "you have my number so call" era. Now it's a much longer filtering process, like stages in a RPG game you must pass to reach the next level. That's sorta how the game always was I guess, just an observation made of the modern youth.

So you might of guessed it, we got to talking and the topic of blogs came up and she asked to see mine/this one. It was embarrassing because the first time she saw it, the newest post was the part 2 of this 4 part mini story. If you didn't guess it, I'm pretty much writing this as it's happening, it's kinda like reality TV, reality blogging if you will. I guess all blogs are "real" whatever that means.. Okay, getting off topic.

So she ended up reading that/these post(s), I imagine she's keeping up with them, I mean, who wouldn't. If a crazy somebody was writing about me in this manner, the narcissist in me would surely want to read! I was embarassed that she read it though not the least bit ashamed. An inapproapriate annalogy but it's like having sex in a public setting. If you're doing it I'd imagine it's embarrassing to a degree to be caught but it's the excitement in the possiblity and wanting in the back of your head to get caught which makes it alluring. Maybe that's just me, how inapro-pro..

Subconsciously I wanted her to read all this. Basically there's a part of me that wants everybody to read everything I write, I get off on it. Though I know there are some things I'm better off not sharing. That's why I also keep a private journal for all these things I don't think the world may ever be ready for. Some things truely are best kept personal, to be shared with only the most intimate of intimates if ever at all. Not deep dark secrets(maybe some), but you know, we all have em.

Everything I choose to share here is carefully thoughtout and I wouldn't put it out for the public if I wasn't comfortable myself first. At this point I feel like alot has already been shared, I'd hate to continue and risk making Zoe feel anymore uncomfortable. I think we already had a crazy first impression/encounter-blogging out everything that happends from that point on would really be too much. I'd prefer to reserves some mystery.


Sincerly,
Jonn

B-T-dubz : I started reading Russell Brand's memoir titled "my booky wook" and I think it's fantastic. It was actually what inspired me to start writing these more personal writing pieces. Russell Brand is someone I totally look up to.

we met on the train. [part 3]

previously on [part 2]

Part III.

As I was approaching my stop I let her know what a pleasure it was to meet her. Being trapped on a subway train durring rush hour is a miserable experience-any New Yorker will tell you this. A saying that comes to mind is "misery loves company" and it's true what they say-bad thing really do bring people together. When we were talking it could of been 3 hours that passed-I wasn't paying attention. Though it was probly alot less then that.

When I got off the train I was just reflecting on the moment. Grinning at the thought. No matter what happends, I can't take back the moment, why would I want to? When I got home I saw my sister and told her of the entire incident in an excited stupor. She's great with listening to my childish adventures/coming of age stories.

As far as ever seeing Zoe again goes, I can't really say. Back on the train ride I gave her a peice of paper to write her name on so I could find her on facebook. You know it's all just a game-whether you play it or not. So I wait till the next day's afternoon to add her on facebook, any longer and I might seem like I don't care at all-or something like that. We'll see how it plays out or if anything happends at all. you can never really say for certain what could happend next.

To be continued...

[part 4]

we met on the train. [part 2]

This little memoir piece is a continuation of [part 1].

Part II.

This is where I died. It is revealed that her name is Zoe(pronounced Zoe-E, like zooey deschanel). I was sold on her almost immediately. But wait, It gets better!

So obviously the first topic that popped into my mind once I found out her name, was Zooey Deschanel. I asked if she liked She & Him(zooey's band). We got into talking about music And found we listen to pretty similar stuff. On that particular day I was wearing one of my favorite new tee shirts. It's a vintage as fuck Cat Power shirt. I've gotten so much love for wearing that shirt-Cat power is da bomb.

So after chatting about music for a while I start think-dang, this chick has some indie cred foreal. It's pretty exciting when you find somebody who you have common interests with musically. It's something I'm finding to be more and more rare. I guess I like the same music as alot of girls/emo boys, whateves.

So to recap-met a babe-her name is Zoe, and if she read this.. she would probly think I'm totally weird for blogging my life and every exceptional moment in it. Yes, I found this chance encounter with her to be particularly fantastic.

we end up talking for a while and I realize I'm approaching my stop. There was a part of me that wishes it could of been further delayed but then I also wanted to get home. The way everything played out was already just too great-any longer and I could have blown it! It was quite the crazy encounter to meet someone totally interesting/attractive on the subway in New York City.

After learning more about her I saw it Fitting to take down her information. I got her full name to find on facebook and we exchanged numbers. It's alway exciting when you meet someone like this-you can never really say what could happen next and you start to draw conclusions into to the world that could be. I'm not crazy for thinking that/writing this am I?

I'm kinda writing alot-that says something right? It says, this stranger had some hell of an affect on me. I could only imagine what might be on her mind. She could of been unphased by the incident all together. All cercumstances considered I don't know/can say what will happend next. That's what's fun and exciting-not know what's next to come. Though I recognize this was something extraordinary/cosmic and would make a totally awesome story to tell.

To be continued...

[part 3]

I am so on point.

I'm really rather sharp as a tack as of late. On Sunday I hit up one of my fave spots-AKA TARGET, with my momz and picked up some essentials. If you don't own one already, I Urge you to go pick up an electric tooth brush! You have not known clean till you have owned and oral-B vitality! And I swear I wasn't payed to write that-it's that compelling!

I also got my hands on some new facial wash that i'm excited about. I had a great time exploring hair product as well. I picked up some hair spray that promises to make me hot or something-we'll see how that turns out. My scalpes been flakin a little-got that head & shoulders, no big D. Um what else did I get? Oo yeah! Fresh pack of fruit of the loom boxer breifs-extra tight/just how I like-holla!

That's what I love about target, you can totally be shopping for a million things all at once. It's like the hip fashionable K-mart. No doubt Target is the shit!

I'm just feelin good right now! Like I'm ready for anything. Earlier today I finished a project for school that I was particularly proud of. It's 4 am right now and I've got a big presentation to do on it tommorrow, what's wrong with me! I was gonna go to bed but then my dad got me an early birthday present and that Kept me up for a few hours. He got me one of those speakers/radio/iPod dock/player/music things. I fucking love it, it's the best! I have the best dad ever foreal-I'm his best friends. Which reminds me, he wants me to Make him a face book account-how cute is that?!?!

So anywayz, I get this great new present and it's so awesome looking, it brings my attention to what a mess my room has become! This new device had inspired me to make my room clean/neat and organized. I'm so excited now, all my clothes are neatly folder and sorted. I hope I can keep it this way, I definently prefer a clean living space.

I feel happy and confident and ready for whatever the world has to throw at me. Shouldn't we all get to feel this way always?

The girl I'm obsessed with

Judge me as you will.

Months ago was when I first heard of her. maybe I saw a picture or something. Whatever it was, she was brought to my attention. I've never formally met her, however I know as much as her facebook profile will tell me.

Yes. I'm a total creep. I've looked at all 1000+ profile/tagged/album pictures. I've read what she writes and occasional what others right to her. I do not check up on her daily, only when she comes to mind. This may be once or twice a month.

No, I don't have a shrine to her. No, I don't camp outsider her house. No, I don't stalk her. It's 2010, we keep folders full of pictures we like of the person we're obsessed with, she is no exception. She is beautiful.

I've been "obsessed" now for maybe a year. In this past year I've seen her in person 3 time, all of chance encounter. We roam the same parts of lower manhattan and even have mutual friends, it would only be a matter of time. The times I've seen her I was from a far. I've never spoken to her, yet I would recognize her face. When I see her I won't do anything, just take mental note. "that is her" I say to myself, and continue off.

Am I revealing too much? Or is this sounding familiar to you? No one needs to know...except you. What is the nature of our generation. To be stand-offish and criticize others for being animate of their desires and motivations?

Why am I revealing my nature?

Because maybe she will see this. Maybe she will read this. Maybe she'll even be flattered. What should I be afraid of? That she might get a glimpes into my soul and think badly of me? Then she's not for me. Simple as that. I would hope that I don't come across as a threat but instead a harmless admirer.

It's not like me to leave things up to chance when I know the odds aren't great. What I'm writing now you could say is my lottery ticket.

Jonn

And so it begins...

These last few week have been like, a brain hurricane/meltdown which has led me to rebuild my concept of what is important and what is not. Also did i mention i broke my arm? of coarse i did, I've been bitching about it on facebook for the past month.

Now that I'm over that lump of being sad, it's time to be doing more fun things! like writing this Blog! I love you! And if you don't love me and wish to love someone else, I've found the magic formula!

How to Fall in Love:

1. Find a complete stranger.
2. Reveal to each other intimate details about your lives for half an hour.
3. Then, stare deeply into each other’s eyes without talking for four minutes.